Friday, August 15, 2008

Commence to start!

i love this line. It's one of my favorites in Father of the Bride. My little sister and I love being dorky and repeating lame lines from movies. We love being a tad bit dramatic :) But anyway....

d>

Yes. My countdown is commencing today. August 15th, 2008 you will soon become September 15th 2008. :: 31 DAYS :: Why is September 15th so important? Well, it's my birthday. i LOVE birthdays. EXCEPT I'm having a bit of trouble swallowing this one. It's NOT the age. I don't even look my age so i don't much care for that. It's the goals and the lack of accomplishments that I am so down about. I guess I thought I'd be something more. Something else. Something a bit different and someone a bit more grounded. Less fearful instead of more. More daring and lived rather than settling and cornered. I thought I'd say yes to something forever and instead I'm fighting to be grown. I'm hesitating the celebration because I am a futurist. It's all about the long term for me. Yes, someday I want kids, I want to be married but this is not even about that.

i love photography. I love film. (although I was never good at it, and excelled only as director of photography)I love computer art. I love being a graphic Artist. But I regret looking back and wondering where and why i stopped drawing.Stopped painting. stopped looking. stopped wondering. stopped searching. stopped working at being an artist....not just working as an artist.

I fought so hard to be an artist growing up. I was the only one in my family that loved to draw. But academics were always number 1. I took ONE class in 7th grade. Loved it. I took ONE semester in High School. LOVED it. i was not the best or any ones favorite. Kinda nice. no pressure. I never grew up thinking i was going to college much less becoming a graphic artist. WOW. Times have changed. Things i never planned to do I am doing now. Which is good right? "Scrapbooking" and photography is awesome. cool cool. but it's not enough.

I went to university. I went to a very competitive academic university and am very proud of this. I am a nerd. dangit i know stuff. (Except I don't check my grammar here :) I took classes on art but really only produced papers about art the entire time. I loved the few studio classes I did take and appreciate the experience it gave me. Except the mentality was...you come knowing how to be you already. There is no class on style. No basic intro to you. It was all based around you and your thoughts on war, politics, culture etc. and visually interpreting that to a public. But the moments I remember most were not the A's I got, making the Provost's honors list 5 times or even the people i met. it was the way i worked at being an artist. Since class lacked some of the knowledge I needed i referenced books in the library on artists. I wanted to know what inspired Picasso and Chagall , Mondrian and Seurat. What made them UNIQUE. They inspired me more than ever. I LOVE making stuff. But more than not, i was inspired by them to BE unique.

I painted

I drew

I inked

way before this thing called scrapbooking

and so now I'm scared. because in the past 6 years since being out of college I have not draw. I have not painted. and I have not inked. i blame me. i blame not making time. i blame not listening to me. not allowing myself the pleasure of the paint and ink and pencils while excusing it as a way to save a buck at the art store. I question if I will be able to paint again or draw or ink. That might seem stupid for some but honestly. It all takes practice. And i lost years of it. and i hope i haven't lost if forever.

but i will see and i will learn again. So scrapbooking, you need to take a backseat for a bit while i find me again. While i create from a talent that needs tendering and attention. because long before you happened you were inspired by real art. real artists and amazing people whom you respect and would and could not ever imagine replicating "scraplifting" or jacking. Because dangit. they are artist. and in the art world remember there is a thing called respect. and they SO deserve it. YOU deserve it. So be true. I need to focus and find what makes me uniquely me again. I remember a beautiful professor Faith Ringgold once told me after I hated the way my style NEVER looked like what i wanted... she said "well that's because you are uniquely you debee. you are just fighting it. embrace that part, the strokes and the way you lay paint out. those are your finger prints left for others to admire and appreciate YOU. YOU cannot be replicated. There will and has not ever been another Picasso. Another Chagall, another Gustav Klimt or even Michelangelo because they stayed true to themselves. Therefore there will never be another you. Because you are a real artist like them. Remember your hands and your heart cannot be at fault for creating in your style, you are purposed for this. you are uniquely talented, marked, divinely inspired and given the privilege of creating. So do it. Now you might see things and ideas you like, but ask yourself...is that me? and if not don't do it. but you know that. you know not to compare yourself. keep trying to find you. your voice. with your style. no more looking around or fighting the way you create. Embrace you. I love that about you. You can fly! i believe you can."

sigh...
she is amazing. at the time i didn't realize that she was blessing me. calling a beautiful purpose and hope over me. and i am thankful. I want that same resounding hope and love for many more birthdays to come. So back to the drawing board. back to the beat of the gypsy kings blaring through the ipod. back to the sketchbooks full of paint and colorful fingerprints. back to making friends with colors and brushes :) onward towards visions of paintings and finding my voice. My heart is full of love for this little special thing called art. heck yes...commence to start! finally.

(as they say in hope floats)
my cup runneth over
an artist at heart
and always
-d

25 comments:

Rhi said...

amenamenamenamen.
there is scrapbooking and there is art.
i believe it, you believe it.
now we shall live it.
get lost in your sketch book, sweets, it is the most magical place to be :)
xxx

Jen said...

wow.

berryberr said...

Nice blog! Will check back often!!

Tanya said...

Hey Debee ;0}
I had to read everything over twice just to retain all the words you expressed today.
I think what happens with us all is that the world takes us over and it demands that we keep up with it and we have no control. So we lose sight of things ..the good wholesome simple things..that make us ..{{us}}. We are all fingerprints.. We cannot be replicated in any way because we are all different. Sure we may all have similar tastes.. Love the same Starbucks drinks.. but our hearts and eyes and hands and mind... see, feel, hold, imagine, believe, heart many diiferent things that can never be copied by another. God did not make us that way. We are all unique creations.
I can't wait to see you express all theses feelings on to paper. You will be dynamic!!
I was crap at art and I was told so..so many times.. I like what your professor said..it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says...It's our own interpretation of art that makes art itself.
You go girl..!!
You are a ONE and ONLY!
{{HUGS}}
T... is for Tonka :0}
If you read my profile you'll know that only special people call me Tonka.. so that means YOU ROCK GIRLIE! LOL

Anonymous said...

I love looking at, and being inspired by, your LOs because they look so much like art, so free and unconstrained: as Dr. Seuss says, "There's no-one else in the world that's youer than you". Best wishes, and here's hoping you race off to get some paint and inks this very afternoon, Helen

Tanya said...

P.S.I had to come back and tell you that the picture of you is absolutely gorgeous..You are one beautiful girl!!!
T.

Charleen said...

scrapbooking is art. :)

Vee said...

you are awesome and you for sure create art girl!!! love your pic and my sister and me do the same thing with movies. :)
have a wonderful weekend!

Keka said...

I love this thing called art, it's great.

& that pic of you=gorgeous

kerry lynn said...

yes.
xo

Bekka said...

Wonderful advice!
You share your birthday with my little sister. :)

The one and only said...

I FEEL YOU GIRL .. see it was a reason I gave you a BLOG AWARD .. so come and get it .. girl this post was so deep and refreshing to read .. sure calmed my nerves LOL

love ya Deb

lorena b. said...

No wonder i like you & your blog so much: You're such a VIRGO! ;) just like me (9/3) but i'm @least a decade older than you-we only get better with age!!

pinkcherrymama said...

oh boy...i think it was fate that brought me to your blog today...i have been struggling so much with that feeling that my art is not "what people like". i look at my work and feel like it is not me. it is me trying to make what others will like, or what i see others creating... starting today, i am working on it...i will do what i like, no matter who likes it or doesn't. as long as i feel like i am creating what i love! thanx for the insight.

jenjock1 said...

i just want to tell you that i think you are amazing and INSANELY talented, and I know you can be whatever you want to be. i understand what you are saying about art, well, kind of, because I am just a scrapbooker, i can't draw or paint or any of those other things. but i look at your pages and i see something so amazing, and i belive you DO have a style that is uniquely you. and that's just with paper and pictures, i can't even imagine what you can do in a different medium. so while i will miss your pages for a bit (though hopefully you'll come back) i know that you will be amazing whatever you do. because to me, you truly ARE an aritst.

Niella {paperbutton} said...

Love your post today!! So true what you said...and art is ourselves, it lives in us, whether we can express it or not.

Thanks for always being truthful:):)

My bday is the 13th so here's to us! LOL:)

metrochic said...

you are art, my dear girl. i know i tell you all the time how amazing you are but i will say it one more time -- you have a real gift, db...and i can't imagine never having met you. love you. xo.

danilouwho said...

seriously, it's like you've put so many of the things I've been thinking about lately into perfect words.

and I love Hope Floats.
:)

danijohnston.typepad.com/dj

Dina said...

Your soul oozes art...it's there, you embody it, you inspire it, you'll find it...hugs.

Louise said...

WoooooW GIRL!!!!

Hey, just dont stop to, or forget to 'embrace' the 'dimensions' of your goals & dreams that you never anticipated!!!!

Coz 'later ON',....... you'll be eternally grateful that you did!

Lou xox

PS even the crappy ones too!

Ali said...

wow. u are amazing debee!! and it is totally true...i have always been into art too- folk art, watercolour painting, sketching drawing, making, designing....but I too somehow lost my way - i used to love my days back at high school in the art room- ahhh the days. and now i have gone back to art school- and drawing and sketching and taking photos - its love all over again!! enjoy it debee....and thanks for the encouragement!

Angie said...

there's nothing left to say after all of that except... i love you.
heart & soul.
xoxo

Mandi said...

Debee, I think you are one of the very few scrapbookers out there who it is quite obvious to me that you are an artist. Not just a crafter, but an artist. Someone who is greatly inspired and who insanely inspires others. I'm so glad you are going to pursue that passion of yours even further, because I think that God has given you that unique ability. You have a special gift. :)

Beth Perry said...

Follow your heart, it will lead you in the right direction...
;D
B

mandi said...

Wow! I have so been through this with myself over and over and over again. I don't think I've truly inked or drawn (or really doodled even) since I got married and started having kids. Inking turned into "stampin' up" parties that I detested for lack of originality. Friends would invite me to all night scraps because "documenting life" made the time spent worthwhile. And I got sucked in. and I hated what I made. Always. It is so not what I need. I need to feel me. Not mom. Not wife. me. And I stumble and fall. I struggle with myself. Call myself selfish for wanting my own time and space and "could you please get away from me!" and I think I'm the worst mom in the world and really, I probably am because I can't seem to get me right and they all suffer for it. So, that said... from one drummer girl to another: do it and do it now!

ps. thanks for such a heartfelt post that helped me get that off my chest!